The difference between sex and consciously making love is that the latter is beyond the physical boundaries. It penetrates hearts and souls, goes beyond the short-term pleasure of friction and routine.
Conscious lovers connect with each other on the level of body, heart and soul. They are present. They see the movements of their loved one, the colour of their skin, their breathing and heart rate, trembling or moaning. They attune to their partner’s energy and react with passion and love.
Learning to have conscious sex is like opening your eyes for the first time. You won’t be able to close them or forget what you saw (or felt or tasted). This is the power of tantric sex. Sex as the embodiment of love.
Here are a few steps on how to do it…
First, the mood
Entering the bedroom should be a gateway to another world. Leave your telephones, computers and everyday worries behind the door. It’s worth to reset beforehand, to relax the body and mind.
The interior – candles, music, incense, romantic lighting, champagne, ice cubes, strawberries, blindfolds, mirrors, right temperature – consider all these elements. Use your imagination. It could be just one candle by your bedside or turning your space into a temple of love worship.
Presence and eye contact
The eyes are the window to the soul, a spark of intimacy and passion. Sit facing each other, gaze deep into your eyes. In these eyes you will see yourself. You will see love, unity, divinity. What else do you see? What do you feel? Where in your body do you feel it?
This can be difficult and awkward at first. Take a few breaths and let it go, overcome this resistance. This is the only way to authentic communication – to be truly open, to see your partner as they are, and allow to be seen.
Let go of the goal – deliberate aimlessness!
First, the practice of conscious love making breaks away from goal-setting. Let go of orgasms, penetration … if you start with a goal-oriented attitude – you lose the quality of discovering what is in the moment, what is changing in the body at any given time. Paradoxically, letting go of your goal brings you closer to it like nothing else.
Treat your bodies as undiscovered lands each time, as if you were discovering them for the first time. Where you like to touch and be touched, what kind of touch do you like – try a strong touch of the earth, airy like air, liquid like water (with a lot of oil), hot, warming like fire. Maybe you like your entire body to be kissed, maybe you like to use feathers, fur and other gadgets?
The entire body craves pleasure
When caressing (especially a woman), start as far away from her genitals and breasts as possible! Start with the head, hair and neck, ears, hair, feet… gradually approaching the torso, abdomen, breasts. By slowly following the breath, gradually come closer to the more sexual erogenous zones. Perhaps she will relax so much, that she won’t feel like having sex. Open up to this possibility. Conscious sex is building intimacy, security and contact. It doesn’t always end in penetration. If a woman trusts you, and you will trust her, she will feel loved and safe – the next time she will drag you to the bedroom herself.
How to do it, how to reset and relax, how to breathe, how to touch each other and explore your bodies, how to caress a woman, how to caress a man – we will talk and practice during the workshop Art of Love level 1.